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I rediscovered some old amusement and could not let it fade
Internet translation engines have been around a while. Everything from the pseudo-evangelistic AskJesus to the more conventional Babelfish translator have provided amusement and utility alike.
In October 1998, I attempted to amuse myself by using the babelfish translator to translate four well-known texts into German and then back from German to English. The results amused me. I hope you will be amused too.
Little Miss Muffet
Small ones Ms Muffet Sat on their came tuffet it eating lumps and whey along a spider, which sat itself beside it and away frightened Ms Muffet.
Is this the really life?
Is this just fantasy?
Caught in a land eyelid, NO escape from reality
open your eyes, Look UP to the skies and lake,
I'm just a poor boy, I need NO sympathy,
Because I'm easy come, easy go, Little high, little low,
Any way the wind blows doesn't really matte to of ME, to of ME
Mummy even beend a man,
set a rifle against its heading,
pull my trip, now he its dead to
mummy, life have even to begin,
but I having to go now and throw it all away
mummy, ooh, do not mean to form you for cry,
if I its not back again this times tomorrow,
offer, carry at as if nothing to really constitute
Too late, my time came,
Shivers down means thorn,
the body transmits, which lives the whole time probably hurts,
ev'rybody, has I, to go
after vacation Gotta you all and the truth
mummy to confront ooh I would not like to die,
I sometimes require that I became been never born at everything
I see a small silhouetto a man,
Scaramouche, Scaramouche, will do you to the Fandango
Thunderbolt and lightning me very much fright'ning
(Galileo) to Galileo (Galileo) Galileo,
am I a poor boy straight and nobody love me,
whom he saves him a poor boy of a poor family,
its life span of this simple monstrosity
even is come, easily to go,
will you me go leave
Bismillah! No., we let you not go (to leave them it to go!),
Bismillah! We do not let you go (to leave it it to go!),
Bismillah! ** time does not out ** we will not leave you to go
(to leave me to go) to become to leave you to go
(to leave me to go) to become not to leave you to go
(to leave me to go) ampere-hour No., No., No., No., No., No., no
(OH mummy mia, mummy mia) mummy mia,
let me go Beelzebub to have a devil to set aside for me, for me, for me
Thus think you, you me and Spit in my eye
thus you think that you can love me and me cube
OH - to leave baby this me,
baby to do cannot,
even gotta go out,
even gotta receive right outta here
nothing make real, everyone can see,
nothing really constitute,
nothing constitute really to me out
Any way, those the wind burns through... whoosh
Monty Python's Lumberjack Song
I wanted to be never a gentleman hairdresser in the first place! I..., I wanted to be..., A LUMBERJACK! Branch from tree to tree! How they down the powerful rivers of British Colombia swim! With my best girl by my page! The larch! The Kiefer! The enormous Redwoodbaum! The mammutbaum! The small Whopping guideline tree! We would sing! Sing! Sing!
OH -, am I lumberjack, and I am okay, sleep I all night and I process all day.
CHORUS: He is lumberjack and he is okay, sleeps he all night and he processes all day.
I cut down trees, I eat my lunch, I go to the toilet. On Wednesdays I go shopping and have gebutterte scones for tea.
Mounties: It cuts down trees, it eats its lunch, it goes to the toilet. On Wednesdays he goes shopping and has gebutterte scones for tea.
I cut down trees, skip I and branch, I may wild flowers operate. I set at clothes of the women and hang around in the staffs.
Mounties: It cuts down trees, skips it and branches, may it wild flowers operate. It sets at clothes of the women and hangs around..., In the staff???????
I chop down trees, I carry high heels, suspenders and bra. I require that I became been a girlie even like my dear dad.
The Monty Python Parrot Sketch (beginning)
A customer enters a business for domestic animals.
Customer: ' Ello, I would like to register an objection.
(the owner does not react),
C: ' Ello, Ms?
Owner: What do you mean " loss "?
C: I am, I have a cold weather sadly. I would like to form an objection!
O: We are closin ' for the lunch.
C: If you never worry about that, mean young man. Forwards I would like to weight over these parrots, which I did not buy half hour of this fashion shop.
O: OH, uh, the Norwegian blue... What's, uh..., which with it is false?
C: I explain to you which with it am false, my young man. ' dead e, which are, which with it is false!
O: No., No., ' uh, e..., which it stands still.
C: View, matey, I know dead parrots, if I see, and I regard at the moment.
O: No No., which is not dead he, it, is, it is restin '! Remarkable bird, which idn'it Norwegian blue, ay? Beautiful plumage!
C: The plumage do not take on
Backlash Final Thought
The sad thing is that I understand the jist of these Germanglish tracts more than a lot of the rubbish that is written in English these days. Perhaps we are looking at the future of communication - language that nobody really understands but gets the jist of. Alternatively, perhaps when I try this experiment again, with language engines in the year 2001, I will get more meaningful translations.
Produced: 2 October 1998
Edited for web: 18 January 2001
Posted: 04 November 2001