I should not have behaved the way I did on stage tonight... except... well, it made the audience laugh and I knew it would. I regret some apparently disrespectful lines I delivered to a very placid and pleasant elderly lady sitting on the front row of my gig. In fairness, it was in the spirit of a comedy night and I'm not going to be ageist as such. And she had been a nurse - this woman has seen the world. In many ways, what I said was a reflection of that.

When I got into the middle of one of my songs I believe I called into the wings "Start the car". All of this was an acknowledgement that what we were giving the audience, instruction not to censor it by the organisers, was perhaps not what they were used to getting... but give it to them we did. With both barrels.

I got out of that place pretty quickly. This wasn't because I was ashamed at making improper suggestions to an old lady. I would have been ashamed if they hadn't caused a minute-long-room-sized laugh. I left so that I could get home at a reasonable enough hour to get a night's sleep in time for the fun of the weekend. I'm helping someone sort some stuff out at their house this weekend, and I need to be up bright and early to be useful, plus I've rehearsals and other jiggery pokery to achieve... and I'm not prepared. Not in the slightest.

Correction. I'm slightly prepared.

Don't worry. It's not like the show is on Monday or anything!