I think, all things considered, I'd like to have another go at today. I don't want to go into Groundhog Day mode and relive today repetitively until I get it right, but it has been a disturbing combination of circumstances and I'm pretty certain that I could have done it better.

I woke up disgustingly late, having become hooked into a bizarre dream about a local comedian who was fighting for the Iraquis or something - probably a combination of my usual gig-based mental state and the news on the radio alarm (which I was successfully ignoring) pervading my consciousness.

Then I managed to have a really weird meal - Goulash with pasta - owing to my misunderstanding the nature of the food I was defrosting and reheating in the microwave from the deep-freeze section of my freezer. I made it in the first place, but I never label things in the freezer, possibly to create the opportunity for such hilarious food combinations to be made. Made it was and it was pleasant. Perhaps I would have done it differently if I'd have known before I boiled the pasta up.

Then time escaped me, and I got very little of my planned tasks done before I headed to Leeds to the gig I was doing tonight. I set off earlier than I might have done, anticipating traffice or car problems.

I arrived horrendously early and spent a lot of the time before the gig in a state of great boredom.

Then I asked to be placed later on in the running order - this was a mistake. The spot I was down for would have been better. As it was, I came onto stage when the audience's attention was at a low ebb and I did nothing to capture their imagination - gong! - shameful. Still, it's nice to know that 102 gigs into the business, I can still have a bigger failure than my first gig. At least I got one laugh then!

Then I drove home and decided to postpone the dieting in favour of an orgy of calories and comfort food at my favourite A1 services. This was foolish...

... almost as foolish as the poor judgement that I made when I hit a particular roundabout at around 40 miles an hour near my house - I had no idea that there was a car coming... I just didn't see him.

Unlike my stand-up gig, where I couldn't make them laugh to save my life, I was able to perform a series of steering, braking and accelerating actions within the car and drive myself out of trouble. Indeed, given the conditions of the road, I think I could well have earned the title stunt-motorist-of-the-year... if it hadn't been for my excessive stupidity in performing the stunt in the first place.

On balance, not a good day. I think I enjoyed the "Road Accident That Never Was" more than the gig, since it gave me more of a rush while it happened, a greater sense of well-being afterwards and I didn't die.