Go Johnny and go Viz.

A more affordable guitar is the Fender DG-22CE, which played nicely today.

Sadly it was a +1 this week with a new aggregate of (again) -34. No matter. It's been a busy and naughty week - I plan to work a bit harder at it for next time.

In many other respects today has been a good day. I even had some hair removed - in the style of getting a haircut.

Had great fun yesterday at the Computer Fair, organised by Micro Mart - thanks to Roj for the driving... the journey seemed to take no time at all.

Had a good look at the site for 3 Hours Wasted - a Newcastle based band, quite different from BecauseWeCan, whose gig on Thursday last left me tired but satisfied - I'm told my neck muscles will recover.

I've taken something of an interest in H.G. Wells too, but more on that if, or when, something happens.

Another begging site - this one is a woman who wants you to fund her divorce at the aptly named Helpmeleavemyhusband.com. Classic!

Ooooh - I suffered a brief outage... but we're back now. Thanks go to the prompt assistance given by the person on the end of the ICQ support line at UCVHOST... perhaps the outage should not have occurred, but they fixed it very efficiently.

The Weekly Wednesday Weigh-in was postponed until this morning. In the last week there's been some heavy things going down in the world of The Ash... I don't think words will describe them. The upshot is that I've been living some sort of surreal existence, dietary habits have gone out of the window, I've not really been home much and I have had to face up to some unpleasant facts of life.

The weekend was a cascade of varied activities including:

• Drinkies
• Richard Herring
  
• Tapas
• Clubbing - in "Cuba Cuba"... oooh
• Late night chat and guitars with Steve
• Trip into town
• A jamming session with the boys
• Meeting the new neighbours
• Trip to Leeds to take a mate out for a meal (we're only at Saturday night here...)
• Helping the University debating society recruit new members
• DIY - well, DIFSE
• Chinese takeaway and putting the world to rights

Few of these events are low-calorie, so I'm relieved to find my massogram reading of -1 this week, with an aggregate now of -35... not bad considering the number of pub meals I've had in the last week (I do have the healthy option or a bap or something, but I still feel a bit guilty). Maybe it will be time to cross the milestone next week?

Well worried was I of the Weekly Wednesday Weigh-in, why I nearly wet myself with wanxiety (all the w's there!).

-3 this week, taking our grand total to -34. Wonderful. So, back on track. For next week, let's see whether we can get near the next mileSTONE.

I thought I would have a look at electro-acoustic guitars today. I thought I would be professional about it - I took along my own plectrum and everything. I tried playing the solo from the Beatles's version of "Till there was you" as my test. This is a solo I cannot play, except with a following wind. I found one guitar which seemed to almost play it for me...

Bit of advice - don't play a guitar without knowing its approximate value - that thing was more expensive than I am!

Classic in the Post Office this morning. Their sign had read "We will not accept special delivery's after 19.15pm" - I'd pointed out the incorrect use of apostrophe to make a plural and so the sign was changed - this morning it read "We will not accept special delivery item's after...". I pointed out the new mistake and was told that the sign writer could not delete the apostrophe from his computer.

Though they're fighting on too many fronts (I'd accept "1000's" and "CD's" as being at least conventional) you might want to check out The Apostrophe Protection Society, who are, at least, active. Check out the many apostrophe errors found on grave stones on their second examples page. A good reason not to be buried!

Quick update - find out about a badly punctuated load of bread.

The web is a wonderful thing. You start off somewhere and end up off on a tangent from a tangent. I started looking at an advert for some DVDs, then I decided to find out what the film Van Wilder was about, and why I thought I recognised Tara Reid (she's in American Pie 2), then I found out that the makers of Van Wilder had also made a short film - Saving Ryan's Privates, a spoof of Saving Private Ryan (of course). So, I thought, do I get to watch this 7 minute short film on the internet? of course!... thanks to Internet Video Mag's Mature section... it's not porn, but it is adult.

A reader adds to the apostrophe debate with a tale of his trip to Newquay.

Just received the heads up about a weekly haiku competition. And found a contenter to the Haikulator in the form of this.

If you listen very carefully, you may hear me laughing in the audience... actually sod that - watch this clip of Dave Gorman's new show and then watch his show religiously every Sunday from now on. More info at the BBC's website.

I'm trying to make this site a bit more interesting... so far we've had a few redesigns, a section or two added and the regular updates to the Fringe Diary. For those interested, Day 5 is now online.

Obviously the Fringe diary will end when I hit the end of my trip, but I have a few other things to write about, so watch this space. Please feel free to email me with feedback on anything you see on this site - my address is at the bottom of the page.

The fourth day of my Fringe Diary is now up.

Ashley Facts:

1. I am currently 30 pounds heavier than Elvis was when he died
2. I am about the same age as Post-it notes

Big respect to the lad who wrote these hoax letters to his local newspaper... seems emulation-worthy!

And the winner of Most annoying combination of misspellings within a single word is....

Retreivel

Not only has the "i" before "e" rule been ignored, but also the final "a" has been converted to an "e". I have a theory. Perhaps the writer has recently seen "An American Tale" and is thinking of the main character "Fievel Mousekewitz". Or perhaps not.

Sounds like an urban myth... but it also seems too plausible. Read about this particular Harry Potter merchandise on Amazon and then read the reviews. It seems that some Harry Potter fans might be coming of age.

Slight blip on the weightloss - more of a gain (+1). So it's time to redouble efforts for next week, where the aggregate of -31 will be under proper threat.

A redesign of the front page today - we'll see how well or otherwise that works...

The third day of the Fringe Diary is now online.

Plus, I've just started a music section, into which I'll drizzle things I've done with music that I'm not too ashamed to show the world. The premier song for this update is about weightloss (lyrics).

The second day of the Fringe Diary is now online.

Shock flashback about Keith on Friday night. Outside of the takeaway (I was audience, not participant - no need for fat/food poisoning in my system), Keith was eating his meat pie. A couple of young girls (let's for the sake of argument suggest they were 15 year old charvers) approached and one said to him something along the lines of "give me some of your pie" and then puckered up and headed for his fork, mouth agape. Keith, with a presence of mind that disgusts me, placed his own puckered mouth in the trajectory of young miss pie-lover's mouth.

Well, the young lass soon worked out the deal - she should kiss Keith and then get some pie... this she did and got her pie. The next one then lined up for pie and Keith was insisting on a kiss when I stopped him. "Give her the pie" I exclaimed, realising that Keith had, so far, not only kissed a charver, but had also paid for the privilege in pie. He could redeem himself by giving pie away to the other without demanding favours...

I feel dirty even remembering the story. This sort of behaviour engenders patterns of behaviour in such maidens. I protested poverty when I was approached by the girls for money for chips. It was not so much the subsidising of their chips which bothered me... it was more that I'd seen what they'd do for a few pence worth of pie, and I didn't want to find myself on the receiving end of what they'd do for a quid.

Couple of updates today. We have an apostrophe article - the first in a long time. A reader decided to preach to me on apostrophe usage... he had the wrong end of the stick, and though Patience is a virtue I lost mine briefly.

I shall tell the story of my trip to Edinburgh over the next few days (weeks, months, years.. however long it takes really). The first day's fun is already online in my Fringe 2002 diary.

God only knows that neither Mal nor I were quite right about Beach Boys lyrics.